I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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