he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
