just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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