She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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