i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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