you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I fill condoms, not promises.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
