Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
