And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
