You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I will die if light touches me.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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