we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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