Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize