I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
