i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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