I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
