Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
