Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
