just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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