just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
