He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
