sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
