I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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