guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
