More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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