people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
