Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just found puke in my bra..
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
