take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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