Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
