I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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