it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
