Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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