Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
