He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize