I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
