Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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