Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
