i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
