clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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