Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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