3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
