he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
