Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
