dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize