I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
