We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
