fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
soo... how was my night?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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