i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
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