I wish I could punch you in the face.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You need a sexual gate keeper
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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