I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
