I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
