Someone shit on the floor
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
