I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
