This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
