i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
