omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
