i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize