So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
