Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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