Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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