I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
