p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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