i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
