Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Everclear isn't food dammit
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize