So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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