My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
