I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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