I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
