So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
