He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
