its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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