bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
