she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I am spending my child support on dildos
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
