we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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