Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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