you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
