I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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